"You call it love when you are emotionally dependent on someone, you call it self love when that someone is YOU."
When we love or 'think' we love someone, expectations start unknowingly. We expect our partner to pamper us, choose us over everyone, to be there always, we expect this, we expect that and it’s normal. However; the truth is, two people in a relationship are two different persons. What they like, what they expect, their love languages, their choices or their source of happiness differ from each other. What you like in a relationship, your partner may not. In order to have a healthy relationship, we must understand this difference. There is nothing like the best relationship in the world, every relationship starts messy, it takes time and equal effort to turn it into a healthy one.
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Unlike men, women tend to get emotional quite often especially when it comes to relationships. Most women get attached way too soon, start to consider their partners their world (really? yes), they want to get reassured, they want their partner to support them emotionally (which is not wrong at all). However; sometimes the dependency of emotions gets so intense that it starts to suffocate.
Emotional dependency in a relationship is mainstream but both partners should know where to stop. Being in a relationship or being married to someone, doesn't provide you the authority to control their lives emotionally. Remember, the tighter you hold onto a relationship, the faster it starts to break.
So, how to know where to stop?
Going through a tough time, trying hard but still not being able to close a deal, getting fired, not being able to clear a test...there are several life incidents where all we want is someone to hear us, someone to understand us, someone to support us, emotionally. These are the times when both men and women seek emotional support from their partners. And that's completely okay. Sometimes, we all feel vulnerable and all we want is a little love to fix it.
However, expecting your partners to be with you 24/7, asking them to avoid their friends (or family), believing that you wouldn’t survive without them, asking them to take decisions of your life, doubting or controlling them, wanting them to tell your worth and seeking for reassurance etc...all these are the early signs of being emotionally dependent on your partner more than you should. Such unhealthy behaviour inculcates a toxic relationship.
Read more to know how to be emotionally independent in a relationship...
Remember your partner should never be the only source of your happiness, he/she should be an addition to it. So that even if they walk out of your life some day, you wouldn’t be left devastated without them. Even if you are in a long distance relationship, emotional independence can be attained simply by analysing what you are doing wrong. Here are 3 things that you can do to become emotionally independent in your relationship.
1. Me time isn’t mean
Going out, watching a movie or planning a fun activity together strengthens the bond between the partners but remember only a happy person can serve positivity to make a relationship healthier.
Take out time for yourself, enjoy your me-time by indulging in any activity that brings you joy. It can be anything painting, singing, going on a trek, wrestling, cycling and what not. Have a hobby that heals you by yourself. A pro relationship advice for women: Start being unavailable for him by being more available for yourself. (trust me, it works like a charm)
2. Partner over friends: never
One of the craziest things that most of us must have done at least once is forgetting the existence of our friends for the sake of "love of our life". I know you got into a relationship, everything has started to blossom, it's love is in the air kind of feeling but hey, don't take your friends for granted once you get a partner. It's never worth anything. Never!
3. Analyze your emotions
No one knows you better than yourself. How you feel, what your insecurities are, what’s after that happy face, you know all of these better than anyone else. Don’t you? Then, how can someone else fix it better than yourself? You become emotionally dependent on your partner when you can't deal with your negative emotions. Do one thing, sit with yourself, find out what’s bothering you, what makes you the way you feel. Write it down. Explain everything to yourself and figure out what’s worth worrying for and eliminate what’s not.
Expecting emotional support from our partner isn't a bad thing. We all do it but being legit dependent on your partner for your happiness isn't a great idea. We hope you enjoyed reading the article and learnt something from it. If you did, don't forget to share your views in the comment section below!