When someone says the word “relationship,” chances are you think of your interactions and behavior toward someone else, like a family member, romantic partner, or friend. But the truth is, we also have one other very important relationship: the one with ourselves. How we think about ourselves and treat ourselves is one of the very first relationships we’ll ever have. As it turns out, this relationship is extremely important because it can influence all our other ones. It can sound funny to have a ‘self-relationship’ because society does not teach us to have one but it is important to constantly be thoughtful toward your self-relationship because it affects all other aspects of your life.
For example, being critical of yourself can affect your self-esteem, causing you to feel bad about yourself regularly. A lack of self-esteem can make you retreat or avoid family and friends. Alternatively, it could cause you to develop a lack of boundaries with other people, allowing toxic relationships into your life.
How do you have an enjoyable relationship with yourself?
There are many ways that to work towards developing better relationships with yourself. Here are some helpful suggestions.
1. You should check in with yourself
You might want to take a few minutes to observe what you actually feel right now and try to write down the emotions you're experiencing. What are you feeling? What do you think? If it feels strange to you, begin by noticing the sensations that you feel in the body. An easy way to begin sensing sensations could be to find the texture you prefer to touch and then absorb the sensation.
2. Make sure you validate all your emotions
Validating your feelings is taking your feelings into consideration without judgment. This includes difficult emotions such as anger and shame. Even those most challenging aspects of you like those that lead you to commit acts that hurt you or others driven by a genuine human need that is deep and fundamental. When you are able to allow your inner struggles some credit for their needs and emotions and still keep limits on the actions that could be harmful -you'll be able to develop an understanding of yourself and self-cooperation to help you achieve your well-being. If you can identify your feelings and know why they're happening and why you'll be able perhaps to address the primary need you're experiencing that's causing the unpleasant feeling.
3. It's okay to say "no"
Sometimes having this self-relationship can mean that you're saying "no" to certain things that aren't in line with your preferences and deciding on different alternatives If, for instance, your friends request that you go out on a regular basis when you're tired at work, you're able to not immediately accept the request. Instead, take a moment and think about your energy level, time, and your interest in their plans. Then, decide if it's a good idea to go out. If you're just looking for some time to relax It's fine to admit that. If you'd rather not be alone, that's fine too. In the end, making sure you check in with yourself first, and making your own needs the priority will make you more of a friend over the long run as you're not allowing insatiable needs to become angry.
4. Take time for yourself and do the things that you like
Like all good relationships, it is important to put in the time to take care of it. Try to set aside some time for yourself and your requirements. When you've got some spare free time during the week to go on an evening date or playdate," suggests Robertson. "Block the time you spend out that ranges from 2 hours to a full day and let yourself lean towards curiosity and excitement the way you would during the day you go out on a date with your partner or at a dinner with your friends.
5. Set boundaries
Being in a great self-relationship means standing by your own side whenever you have to, and you can do this by establishing clear, acceptable boundaries with your friends and family. It's true that the idea of setting limits may be uncomfortable at first, particularly in the beginning if you're not used to it. However, over time, it'll accomplish two goals: addressing your needs and becoming consistent with other people. Both of these will allow you to establish better relationships with others and yourself.
6. It's not selfish to care for yourself
If you've been ignoring your relationships with yourself It might be a bit selfish to attempt to alter the way you're feeling. Sometimes, the way that we were taught by our parents taught us to place ourselves at the bottom and to put others first. Having healthy relationships with yourself is likely to decrease selfish behavior since instead of blaming your problems and needs on others, you'll be more likely to address these issues internally and with others in healthier ways. When your personal life is more peaceful and harmonious, you'll be able to bring your greatest abilities, such as empathy, to your relationships with other people.
7. Consider journaling
If you're having difficulty getting to know yourself or understanding what your real needs are, journaling might help. Journaling is a fantastic way to get to know more about ourselves and develop a connection with us. She suggests experimenting with the idea of writing on your own (i.e. taking notes of what comes to mind at this time) as well, or, if this is too difficult, try finding journals with questions for you to think about your thoughts and gain a better understanding of your own thoughts.
8. Make a list of positive affirmations for you each day
It may be uncomfortable to praise yourself or discuss your strengths when you engage in positive self-talk If you are able to focus on the things you love about yourself every day, it will positively affect your self-esteem as well as the self-esteem you feel. Try to name things you excelled at as well as something that you're extremely proud of every day. This habit of doing it regularly will train your brain to identify your strengths and not only your weak points.